Blog as if no one is reading...

An Embarrassment of Riches...National Poetry Month 2011

2011-03-05T03:25:00.000-08:00

National Poetry Month is around the corner and I'm psyched to hear that both W.S. Merwin and Mary Oliver are coming to South Florida! I never thought I'd get to
see them in person! Mary Oliver is coming courtesy of Lynn University and the Palm Beach Poetry Festival.

Merwin, poet laureate, is coming as part of the Florida Center for the Literary Arts celebration.

Don't begin a novel by Sharon Shinn before work!

2010-11-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered Sharon Shinn and her wonderful science fiction and fantasy novels. The best part is that I've discovered her late in the day so she has an extensive back list of works to explore! Her first novel, The Shape Changer's Wife is an incredible book that brought her instant fame. It's being made into a film but they are still looking for funding, so visit the film's website to see more details and how to donate toward this effort.

Shinn is a Firefly fan, which doesn't surprise me, as her characters strike me as similar to Firefly's--the type of characters you want to take home to dinner!

Just a warning, though, don't begin any Sharon Shinn novel before work or you may end up calling in sick!

Best Buys of 2010--total $65

2010-11-03T17:01:00.000-07:00

When I look back on this year, I realize the two items that added most to my quality of life were simple and inexpensive: a $25 dollar fleecy robe and a $40 zero gravity
lawn chair (both bought on sale.) The time I spent wrapped up in one and sitting in the other, blissfully reading were the most satisfying, most relaxing hours of my year! (The books were free, courtesy of the public library!)

National Poetry Month/Verse Wisconsin online!

2010-04-22T17:07:00.001-07:00

This year National Poetry Month means more to me than ever since I just had my first poem in an online journal, Verse Wisconsin published. Verse Wisconsin also allows audio versions of the poem, read by the authors. This is the first time I've accomplished that, too! (Thanks to Jim's recording expertise!)

My poem, Alternate History is published along with some very distinguished company, including the current poet laureate of Wisconsin, Marilyn L. Taylor, a former Milwaukee Poet Laureate, and FIU's own Denise Duhamel. This is the second time I've appeared in a poetry journal with Ms. Duhamel; she contributed a poem to FIU's Vox, a literary magazine, some years ago where I also had two poems published.

My favorite poem in the issue so far is Nathan Graziano's poem, Elizabeth Graziano.

Earth hour at the telescope at Fairmont Turnberry Isle Resort

2010-03-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

Last night we spent Earth Hour showing guests of the Fairmont Turnberry Isle Resort in Aventura the planets, moon and Orion Nebula through the telescope as part of their Earth Hour celebration:

"the Earth Hour celebration will culminate with an outdoor presentation from astronomer Dr. James Webb, director of the SARA Observatory at Florida International University. A telescope will be available for guests to explore the night sky."

It was a lot of fun, people of all ages stopped by between 8 and 11 pm and viewed the objects and asked Jim questions. He gave a short presentation to the ones who lingered, wanting more information. We finally had to wrap up when clouds started coming in, but the evening had been beautiful up to that point and the viewing excellent, despite being in a pool area surrounded by buildings.

Duotrope's Digest pays for itself this month! Warrior Champion finds a home.

2010-03-09T18:32:00.001-08:00

My $2 a month contribution to Duotrope just paid for itself because I've had another poem accepted for publication, this time by The Lorelei Signal.

Duotrope's search engine helped me find the right market for my poem "The Warrior Champion" which will appear in Lorelei Signal's July 2010 online edition and their August 2010 print edition entitled Mystic Signals. They pay $2 for the poem, plus a percentage of royalties.

The Lorelei Signal,a fantasy magazine devoted to stories and poems about strong female characters, is named for the animated Star Trek movie where Lt. Uhura has to take command and rescue the crew.

Panhala and Mary Oliver's Messenger

2010-03-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

I came across a neat poetry site, Panhala that combines a beautiful picture, a poem and some music. If you sign up for email from Panhala the music is optional.

They feature many of my favorite poets like Mary Oliver, Richard Wilbur, Wislawa Szymborska, W.S. Merwin, Rainer Maria Rilke, Antonio Machado, etc., with archives going back to 2002.

Mary Oliver's poem, "Messenger", a new favorite:

Messenger

My work is loving the world.
Here the sunflowers, there the hummingbird —
equal seekers of sweetness.
Here the quickening yeast; there the blue plums.
Here the clam deep in the speckled sand.

Are my boots old? Is my coat torn?
Am I no longer young, and still not half-perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.
The phoebe, the delphinium.
The sheep in the pasture, and the pasture.
Which is mostly rejoicing, since all ingredients are here,

which is gratitude, to be given a mind and a heart
and these body-clothes,
a mouth with which to give shouts of joy
to the moth and the wren, to the sleepy dug-up clam,
telling them all, over and over, how it is
that we live forever.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Verse Wisconsin acceptance!

2010-02-19T06:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Duotrope, a wonderfully useful writer's tool, I've been submitting poetry lately. (Also thanks to Jane Banning, whose works I was searching for when I came across both Verse Wisconsin and Duotrope!) So far 14 poems to five different journals and out of three I've heard back from, one acceptance! Not bad for my first try in years! Verse Wisconsin is a print and online magazine that's been around since 1998, under the title Free Verse, they had to change it when they went online because another ezine had that name already. My poem was accepted for the Spring 2010 online version, which is themed "alternate realities"---who could resist that? Like I told them, my whole life is an alternate reality!

On that note, let me share with you Rainer Maria Rilke's incredible poem You who never arrived, which has to do with my poem; mine refers to the awful possibility that I had not met Jim....now if I could only express myself like Rilke..

You Who Never Arrived
by Rainer Maria Rilke

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me--the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and un-
suspected turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise within me to mean
you, who forever elude me.
You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house--, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets
that I chanced upon,--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and,
startled, gave back
my too-sudden image. Who knows? perhaps
the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

from Theory.com.

Farewell to Kage Baker 1952-2010

2010-02-05T07:35:00.000-08:00

I just found out writer Kage Baker passed away on Jan 31st. I am so sad I never got a chance to meet her; I've admired her work since her debut novel _In the Garden of Iden_ came out in 1997. I think I ran across it serendipitously at a bookstore, intrigued by the beautiful cover art and it led to a major Kage Baker addiction. The main character, the botanist Mendoza, remains one of my favorite female characters in science-fiction literature. All her books have been original, surprising, affecting, top-notch, never disappointing.
I will miss her...

Report on Carlos Ruiz Zafon's talk about his new book

2008-11-19T09:27:00.001-08:00

I spent a blissful weekend immersed in Miami Book Fair International events, not the least of which was an evening listening to Carlos Ruiz Zafon talk about his new book, El Juego del Angel (The Angel's Game in English--I'm not sure if it's been released in English yet so the title may vary when it is).

Ruiz Zafon is the phenom Spanish author of the international bestseller The Shadow of the wind (La Sombra del Viento) which has been translated into 30 languages so far. He's currently the most widely read Spanish author in the world. According to him, he now has reached the circulation levels of Miguel Cervantes!

He gave an interesting talk about how these two novels are part of a planned quartet of novels, all taking place in a magical-realism Barcelona and interrelated but independent. He wants each one to be like a different entrance to the same labyrinth. This idea of fashioning the novels like pieces of a Chinese puzzle box sounds fascinating.

He also reported that he won't be selling the film rights to The Shadow of the Wind anytime soon; he says the best film of a novel is the one made in the mind of the reader (a statement that was approved with applause by the audience). But he does live part-time in L.A. now, so it could be he's planning to write an independent screenplay; he didn't say and no one asked him. (Can anyone be living in LA and NOT be working on a screenplay? I don't think so!)

I read the first five chapters of his new book in Spanish and I'm not sensing the same beauty of language that I did in his first, which I read in English. It's too early to tell if this is due to a different approach/voice or maybe he had a genius translator!

Miami Book Fair International coming to town!

2008-11-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

The Miami Book Fair International is coming to town Nov. 9-16th.

I'm excited that two of my favorite writers, novelist Carlos Ruiz Zafon author of Shadow of the Wind and now El Juego del Angel, and former poet Laureate Mark Strand, are both participating. Of course, with my luck they are both going to be there at the same time on the same evening! Choices, choices!

Mindful Money in Miami

2008-09-08T07:47:00.000-07:00

I've created a new blog to post finance and frugality-related news/items:

Mindful Money in Miami.

Archives of Book Buzz blog

2008-08-06T13:31:00.000-07:00

Recently, my Book Buzz blog reviewing personal finance and frugality blogs was updated.
However, the old url will take you to the archives, where there are some excellent books on the subject reviewed:

Book Buzz Archive

Review of Easy Money by Liz Pulliam Weston

2008-08-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

My review of MSN Money's "Money Talk" columnist Liz Pulliam Weston's book, Easy Money is now posted on my Book Buzz blog.

Weston's book was hard to get a handle on to review, but easy and enjoyable to read.

Review of Rational Simplicity by Tim Covell

2008-08-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

My review of Covell's book is now posted on my
Book Buzz blog
via The Dollar Stretcher.

Rational simplicity explores the concept of voluntary simplicity from a thinking man's perspective.
Covell realized that until he changed the way he thought about money,
he was never going to be able to manage it effectively.

Private Persuasions of Poetry: "Ideal Audience" by Kay Ryan

2008-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

Kay Ryan is the newly named Poet Laureate of the U.S.
This poem succinctly sums up how I feel about writing, reading and being read:

Ideal Audience

Not scattered legions,
not a dozen from
a single region
for whom accent
matters, not a seven-
member coven,
not five shirttail
cousins; just
one free citizen--
maybe not alive
now even--who
will know with
exquisite gloom
that only we two
ever found this room.

from the collection The Niagara River, Grove Press, 2005.

I love Ryan's sly, sparse style: her economy of words reminds me of Mark Strand's work; he's one of my favorite poets of all time.

This poem, referring to the imaginary meeting of minds that occurs when reader and writer connect, out of time, out of physical space, sums it up so perfectly that I can add nothing. It epitomizes what Ryan calls the "private persuasions of poetry."

Most of the writers I've loved were long dead when I was born and I've felt that "exquisite gloom" when I discovered them. It's out of reality yet it's the most authentic feeling I've ever had.

Kage Baker Q & A

2008-07-05T16:59:00.000-07:00

Kage Baker the author of In the Garden of Iden, and a subsequent series of novels called the Company series, answered questions from readers in Joseph Mallozzi's blog.

Baker is a rare find these days: an author who can combine science fiction, historical accuracy and humor into a complex and fun time-travel adventure/romance. Her heroine, Mendoza, a botanist cyborg rescued as a child from the dungeons of the Spanish Inquisition, is very much in the tradition of Joanna Russ' time traveling adventuress Alyx. Her humor reminds one of Connie Willis' humorous novels and stories and she also does a good job of capturing the poignancy behind the humor, just as Willis does.

Can't Stop the Serenity

2008-06-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

I just attended a special screening of the film Serenity for Equality Now, a charity devoted to helping women around the world achieve equality and justice.

Can't Stop the Serenity

Serenity is a science fiction/western based on the short-lived t.v. series Firefly, which has won a cult following since its cancellation.

Its creator, Joss Whedon of Buffy and Angel fame, favors this charity so a group of devoted fans decided to host screenings of the film around the country and donate the proceeds to his favorite charity.

We fans call ourselves Browncoats and there are fan clubs around the world:

Claudia Recinos is the organizer of the South Florida Browncoats.

The screening took place at a venue in Ft. Lauderdale, a wonderful historical theater, Cinema Paradiso.

It is hosting the Ft. Lauderdale International Film Festival:

I can't explain the appeal of the show Firefly even to myself: I've liked other science fiction shows like Star Trek, Farscape, Stargate, etc, but Firefly has somethng unique and special that goes beyond just a show. I think I'm as close to being a fanatic as I can come, though probably my level of fanaticism is mild, compared to some.

As for the movie, it was great seeing it on a big screen again. Cinema Paradiso is delightful; it was the best movie-going experience I've had in a long, long time.

Many thanks to Claudia Recinos for organizing this event!

New review posted on Book Buzz blog

2008-06-25T10:37:00.001-07:00

I just posted a review of Work Less, Live More by Bob Clyatt on my Book Buzz blog, which has
a new look now.

The Book Buzz

This book espouses a transition to semi-retirement before quitting altogether as a way of avoiding job burnout and adding enjoyment to your life. I've been "semi-retired" since 1996, more or less, and I can vouch for its advantages. It's not for everyone but some people can choose it if they budget carefully.

"Work Less, Save More" is my motto!

Rainy Days...

2008-06-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Watching the falling rain

One of my fondest memories of college days, pre-Jim that is, is of rainy days at the Campus Lodge (now demolished). This was 1980-81, pre-cellphones, pre-laptops, pre-personal internet, even. When it rained, it seemed all of us would gravitate toward the door at the end of the building where there was an overhang that provided shelter from the rain and hang out, just watching the rain.

Some people would stop on their way out, waiting for the rain to be over. Some would be coming in from the Eckerd’s across the street or McDonalds, or they might be returning from a class. Sometimes people from other buildings would take temporary refuge with us. Some of us would just wander down the hall, bored, and maybe the rooms got stuffy when it rained, I don’t remember.

All I know is that somehow a crowd of us would congregate and we’d have the best, long, desultory conversations. This is how I met many people who lived in the building.

When the rain stopped, we’d all go into motion again, as if the rain had held us in a trance. Everyone would wander back to their rooms or run late to class or cross the street to get something to eat. And the spell would be broken.

I’m sure no one in that group remembers these moments as fondly as I do—their best memories probably involve parties, football games, or trips to the beach. But I’ve always loved the simplest moments best. And Campus Lodge, stinky, moldy old Campus Lodge is where I became a free adult for the first time. I was lonely, until I met Jim, anyway, but I was free.

LibraryThing.com

2008-05-31T09:08:00.000-07:00

It took me a while, but I finally have started to catalog my books. I'm beginning with the free 200 LibraryThing.com allows, but I'm afraid I'll have to become a lifetime member, because I have at least 1000+ books at home. What riches!

Book Review of _It's All Too Much_ by Peter Walsh

2008-05-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

I posted my review of Walsh's book about decluttering on my stretcher blog:

http://www.stretcher.com/blogs/bookbuzz.cfm

I've been spending a lot of time decluttering and it's amazing how it makes you feel. You have to be brutal but in the end it pays off. You feel like a new person in your fresh new surroundings.

My biggest bugaboos are books, papers and catalogs. I signed up for

http://www.catalogchoice.org/

and that worked like a charm for the unwanted catalog problem.

I've already opted out of junk mail at

https://www.dmachoice.org/MPS/proto1.php

but the junk mailers have found ways around it like making up new names for me and sending me offers. Now I'm getting offers sent to my married name, which I've never used.

And while I'm on that subject, what's with the obsession of adopting a married name?
It really disrupts your life and is totally unnecessary. Some young girls still seem to be under the impression that it's a legal obligation, which is not true. I agree with Suze Orman on this issue: changing your name does dilute your identity. There are women who have been married several times who don't even know what name to use anymore and have kids with various last names (so much for the argument that you have to change your name so your child won't be "confused.")

I don't exactly love my last name but it's the name I was born with and it's the name I'm going to die with, as far as I'm concerned. I am what I am.

And if anyone wants you to change your name against your will, I'd say--question their motives, because it's an indefensible position to take and doesn't bode well for the rest of their reasoning.
Do you really want to marry someone who doesn't make any sense?

Some people seem to think it's a testament to love to take someone else's name; to that nonsensical argument I say, love the man, not the name.

Most of the women I know who surrendered their last names upon marrying now regret it, for many reasons.

It seems like a little thing in the beginning but it's one of those seemingly small concessions that should never be made. The importance of a name cannot be quantified.

"Loved"

2008-04-04T17:43:00.001-07:00

There I was on a perfect spring day, high up on a hill shaded by magnificent oaks draped with Spanish moss, reading gravestones. This cemetery had a nice mixture of recent and historical graves, mostly plain, just the name and dates, but some of them had poignant messages:

A baby, age 1
"God took him"

Mattie S.
wife of E.M. Griffin,
1873-1909

"Twas hard to give thee up
But Thy will O God be done"

The Wade family didn't involve God:

Charlie Wade
(no date)
"Gone but not forgot"
"At Rest"

And nearby, a smaller, more recent grave:

Charlie Mae Wade
9-12-31 to 9-2-66

said simply:

"Loved"

That one really brought tears to my eyes, because that one word says it all, doesn't it?
The laconic Wade family knew what really matters in this world and beyond.

Ghosts of childhood

2008-04-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a favorite childhood book that you never forget despite the intervening years and which, once you see the cover again, brings back ineluctable memories. One of mine was Peggy Bacon's The Ghost of Opalina. I read this book in 3rd or 4th grade, at a time when I would read anything with the word "mystery" "ghost" or "witch" in the title.
(Another favorite from that time: The Witch of Blackbird Pond.)

I recently went on a personal quest to find this book at one of the few places it is still available to read: a university library. Turns out the book only had one printing, which was sold exclusively to school libraries, and now it's on sold on the web for anywhere from $80 for a ratty copy to hundreds of dollars for a copy in pristine condition. Many copies have been lost or stolen from libraries, so I was afraid I wouldn't find it at this small Georgia university town library, but there it was! What a thrill it was to see it again!

This particular title was part of a personal collection that had been donated to the library. Most of universities' childrens literature collections are donated, lovingly collected by private visionaries (sometimes school teachers or librarians) who saw the value of children's books when no one else did and went to the trouble of preserving what were considered throwaways.

It was just as funny and entertaining as I remember! Which just goes to show that the truly great stories of childhood should just as enjoyably be read by adults.

I don't believe in age-demarcations for reading--some books may be better encountered at a certain time in your life but most good books are timeless and ageless. My parents never censored my reading and once I began to read I read everything within my reach. This omnivorous reading habit has continued, though I must say there have been some exceptions. I've never liked the Harry Potter novels, for example. But then again, I never was a big fantasy-lover, with a few remarkable standouts like Ghost of Opalina! I fell in love with science fiction at around age 10 and that took the place of old fantasy favorites such as the novels of Madeleine L'Engle (The Young Unicorns, A Wrinkle in Time series), Eleanor Cameron (The Court of Stone Children) and Philippa Pearce (Tom's Midnight Garden.)

Pushing Fifty, gratefully

2008-03-11T06:01:00.000-07:00

I turn 47 this year. As I tick up the right-hand side of the happiness curve (which bottoms out at 44--see previous post, Forties Slump,) the major emotion I feel is gratitude. After 45, you take nothing for granted.

Already peers are dying from breast cancer and heart attacks, predeceasing their elderly parents in some cases, so you become aware that it can happen and if it does, no one will stand by your graveside murmuring how young you were and how you died before your time.

So you feel grateful for every good night's sleep, for every meal that doesn't give you indigestion, for every pain-free movement, for every moment of inspiration. Sometimes you forget you're not twenty any more, but you never forget to be grateful.

But most of all you're grateful that you're no longer that young, unaware, ungrateful version of yourself, and that you can never be that way again, now.

Farewell to Gary Gygax--co-inventor of Dungeons & Dragons

2008-03-07T09:27:00.001-08:00

If you've never played D & D, you've missed a fun (and frugal!) activity which went beyond a game and became a social club (and an obsession to some!). I owe Gary Gygax a big favor in that I met my husband through D&D in college. I had played a few games with friends in high school and when I heard through my astronomy lab instructor (Greg Fitzgibbons--I owe you, too!) that the astronomy grad students were starting a dungeon, I joined at their invitation.

My husband was one of the players and I quickly learned of his true-blue character through the game: he played a lawful good ranger because he really couldn't play anything other than lawful good. (I was a chaotic good thief.) With a skilled dungeon master (Clint Priestwood), we had a great game which gave long hours of entertainment every Saturday night for no cost (except for the beers we drank afterwards at a local pub) and which gave us enormous insight into each other's characters and imagination.

We dropped out eventually but I've heard via the web that the dungeon master still directs a game in DC and this game, which began with different players in the 70s, is one of the longest-running D&D games recorded!

They say Gary Gygax was still holding games at his home as late as January of this year!

Go in peace, Gary, and I hope you find some great games in the afterlife, if there is one!

Frugal evening out--total cost: $12

2008-03-03T07:28:00.000-08:00

My husband and I just spent our cheapest night out ever--$12! (Excluding a stop for gas--$40--but that's gas for the whole week--we filled the tank.)

We still have some gift cards left over from Christmas, so we first stopped by the bookstore, which is one of our favorite pastimes. We bought five items (three books, a writing journal and a magazine) from the bargain table for $30, used a 20% off one item coupon (which we printed out before we left) and our $25 gift card and paid a total of $4 out of pocket.

This particular bookstore is in a nice outdoor restaurant area with live music, outdoor bar, etc, so we hung out for a while, looked for a place to have dessert, (we had eaten earlier at home) didn't find what we wanted, so we left.
We headed toward McDonalds for two hot fudge sundaes--on their dollar menu now, total cost: $2.

Then we went to drop off a rented video and browsed around the store (another favorite activity) I bought a special two-disc version of a favorite old movie for $3.99 (less than the cost of renting it) and we rented another new movie with a $1.99 coupon. Total cost there: $6.

Then we came home to watch a concert we had taped while we were out, so the rented and purchased movies will provide entertainment for yet another evening.

All in all, a totally enjoyable evening for $12!

Book review of Passion Saving by Rob Bennett

2008-02-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

My book review of Passion Saving by Rob Bennett is now posted on my Dollar Stretcher blog:

http://www.stretcher.com/blogs/bookbuzz.cfm

If you liked Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin's Your Money or Your Life, you'll like this book. It's different but has similar life-changing possibilities, and it's updated, perhaps more in tune with today's readers.

Silver Anniversary Edition--Do's and Don'ts for a Lasting Marriage

2008-02-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

This year is our 25th wedding anniversary! My husband and I celebrated it at the same place we spent our honeymoon, back when we were students, Epcot at Disney World. It had only been recently opened then, and we excitedly zipped around the World Showcase, kissing in every country and having a great time. This time the pace was much more sedate, but Disney never disappoints as far as delivering a guaranteed good time.

I didn't have much time to contemplate the past 25 years while I was there, however. Face it, this is a milestone not very commonly reached in a relationship nowadays. Our parents clicked off the years without comment (and sometimes without much joy) but now if you still have a good relationship after 25 years it seems almost like a miracle. My husband, always the optimist, promised me this miracle 25 years ago, but to be honest, I wasn't so sure it would happen. Not that I wasn't head over heels for him when I married him (otherwise I wouldn't have) and not that I didn't mean every word of my wedding vows, it's just that I was a realist and a pragmatist and I just didn't think there were any guarantees in love.

So I confront the fact that we are still here together, enjoying each other's company as much as ever, in love as much as ever and still faithfully devoted to each other, with an incredible sense of bewildered gratitude for whatever forces of the universe brought us together and kept us together.

For those of you who want to know the secret to this longevity, we have learned some things along the way but perhaps most of them have to do with marrying the right person to begin with; I don't know if any of this advice will work if you're with the wrong person.

1. Marry for the right reason and the one and ONLY reason is that you can't live without the other person. I mean they must be like the air you breathe to you. Otherwise, if you can live without them (or imagine it), then do so. You'll both be happier that way.

2. If there is the teeniest, tiniest doubt in your mind, don't do it. Marry with 110% certainty in your mind or not at all. Forget what people say about wedding day jitters being natural---there should be NONE.

3. People go on and on about honesty in relationships but then they lie to themselves like mad. Never lie to yourself about what you feel for another person, and it follows that you will find it easier never to lie to your lover.

4. Don't expect the other person to "make" you happy; always remain responsible for your own happiness in life. Obviously being married to someone you love and who loves you back is going to make you happy, but you still are a separate person with your own needs and wants and so are they. You both still have to fulfill your own separate destinies; your job as a couple is to help each other gain that fulfillment and not stand in each other's way.

5. Never compete with your spouse/partner. They aren't the competition; you are a team now and if you don't pull together in the same direction, then you'll pull apart at the first obstacle.
If their triumphs depress you on some level, then that means you are subconsciously competing with them. You don't have to match them or top them, you just have to be happy for them.

6. Never, never expect your partner to change. If you didn't like them the way they were when you married, then you shouldn't have taken that step. People do evolve and change but if you expect it or expect a certain result, you are setting yourself up for a fall. If you don't deeply admire and respect your partner as they are, then leave them alone and let them find someone who does.

7. Be loyal in every way to your partner; that means emotionally, mentally and physically. I believe that if you marry the right person, this is an effortless task, but there may be those of different temperaments who disagree. So if it's an effort, you have to ask yourself why and if it's worth it. It should be. Apart from cheating, the obvious no-no, don't criticize your partner in public, don't put them down, don't treat them with contempt. Save your contempt for your enemies. There have been studies that show that people treat their dogs with more kindness than their spouses. Be kind to everyone, especially your significant other.

8. Don't bring others into your relationship to try to fix it. This includes in-laws and children. If you're running home to Mommy every time you have a fight, then you aren't facing your problems the right way. Same things goes for friends; don't complain to your buddies about what you don't like, say it to your partner's face or not at all. And as for bringing children into the play, don't even think about it. If they already exist, leave them out of it and if you don't have any, don't think they will solve any differences or bridge any distances between you and your spouse. The bottom line: if you and your lover can't work things out together, then go to a therapist, but don't expect miracles.

9. Be explicit about what you want. Face it, if you don't know what you want, how do you expect your partner to know? Tell them, in no uncertain terms, exactly what you want from them and you may be pleasantly surprised. If they don't listen the first time, hit them over the head, write it on the wall in ten foot tall letters, hire a skywriter, but tell them.

10. Don't let resentment build. This is sort of an addendum to number 9. If you don't tell people what you want, and then you're unhappy and let the resentment build up, it will all explode in your face in the end. If you wait, even a week, you may end up fighting about something nonsensical just because you're still angry or hurt about something that happened before and which should have been ancient history by now.

11. BEGIN AS YOU MEAN TO CONTINUE. Wiser words were never spoken, but especially true in marriage. This is the mother of all advice. Don't "overlook" things, habits, traits, that will later drive you crazy. Nip things in the bud or live with them forever. If all is right in the beginning (and I mean REALLY right, not just superficial pretense that all is well) then you'll end up right. And, with a little luck, happily married for a long time which will seem like a moment!

Forties slump--symptoms vs. causes

2008-02-12T06:16:00.000-08:00

The Miami Herald (2/12/08) reports that "a new international study which analyzed more than 35 years of data" found that people in their forties are more depressed than those younger and older. The lifetime curve of happiness follows a U-pattern, which bottoms out at age 44. Wonderful!

In the same article, midlife crisis is described as a "genuine condition" identified by the following symptoms: "irritability, loss of sex drive, impotence, fatigue, depression, hair loss, weight gain, and loss of ability to recover quickly from injuries."

Now I ask you, are they mixing symptoms with causes of the 40s slump? If you were losing your sex drive and your hair, fatigued all the time, gaining weight and aching from injuries, wouldn't you be depressed and irritable?

They then go on to offer hope: research is being done on testerone replacement therapy for men; nothing mentioned about women. So we get stuck going through perimenopause AND a midlife crisis at the same time with only primrose evening oil as a remedy. Paint me POed!

Financial Fridays--chasing the financial event horizon

2008-02-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

Friday is my day off, so it seems every Friday morning I end up fussing and fretting about finances and trying to finesse my budget. Not a good way to start a weekend, but at least it gets done. Last Friday I did our taxes, this Friday I updated our budget (which I use an Excel spreadsheet for--it's sort of a big portrait of current budget, future expenses, taxes, fico scores, and retirement account earning predictions.)

It seems to me that before I started learning about personal finance, I lived in blissful ignorance and security and now that I know what is going on, globally and personally, I feel more insecure while logically I know that is not true. Every step I take now is to ensure our future financial security and I have the information to back it up--so why don't I feel more confident? I think I know what I know and I know what I don't know, so this should add up to more security, not less. Knowledge is power, right? But although our net worth has increased exponentially since I started learning and reading (and acting upon that information) eight years ago, I'm also aware of all the pitfalls that could await us.

My long-term (1-5 years) financial goals are simple:

1. Pay off house.
2. Have zero debt.
3. Have highly diversified retirement accounts totaling at least $700,000.
4. Buy car with cash.
5. Improve Home--add porches, simplify interior (declutter), add solar energy.
6. Start LTC plan for husband before he reaches 55.

My short term goals for this year are basically continue to do everything we're already doing plus start a ROTH IRA for my husband with an emphasis on International (not global) funds.

Saving more is an eternal goal but we don't seem to be getting better at it--we're basically keeping up with inflation by spending less, but not saving incredible amounts. There seems to be this weird event horizon when it comes to our savings--we eternally seem to be approaching but never reaching a certain amount. The minute we get close to the goal amount, we end up having to dip into it for some unexpected expense.

Gonzalo Barr--what an inspiration!

2008-01-30T07:16:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I read about Gonzalo Barr, author of _The Last Flight of Jose Luis Balboa_, a collection of stories, which won the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference Bakeless Prize in 2005. He's such an inspiration to all writers who came late to the game--he started writing seriously in 2000 and just quit his job as a lawyer in December of 2007 to become a full-time write at age 49. I read about him in the Miami Herald and his story really resonated with me. I emailed him and he emailed back almost immediately!

What a nice guy--he says his inspiration came from a nun who gave him a copy of Kurt Vonnegut's _Slaughterhouse Five_ and he was also grateful to a librarian who let him sneak into the library and read all afternoon.

Financial book reviews posted

2008-01-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

I just posted two new book reviews on my Dollar stretcher blog:

(http://www.stretcher.com/blogs/bookbuzz.cfm).

They were_How to Win a Sports Scholarship_ by Penny Hastings and Todd Caven, and _Get Your Assets in Gear!_ by Jan Dahlin Geiger. Two great books!

I read roughly a dozen personal finance books a month and most of them start sounding all the same, so I only review the ones that stand out from the crowd.

The financial books that got me started were (like for so many people) _Your Money or Your Life_ by Joe Dominguez, Suze Orman's early books and _The Millionaire in You_ by Michael LeBoeuf.

_Your Money or Your Life_ put into words the philosophy I have always had but put into practice when I started working part-time. I wanted my life back. Working full-time I basically was "bleeding out" my life-force into something that was not going to give me my life back after I spent it. I decided to get a higher degree that would allow me to earn twice as much and then go part-time, thus keeping the same salary for half the amount of hours worked! It's true that as a part-timer, I have no benefits, but thankfully I don't need them since I get them through my husband. It's also true that I don't get the same raises and don't get to progress as much professionally, but as a trade for my life energy, I'll take it. Before I was too exhausted to do anything besides come home and collapse. Now I have time in the morning to think, to breathe, to sit in the sun, to read, to write, to be.

It helped to have a husband who loves his own work and has great job security (and who doesn't care what I make.) But mostly it helped not having debt or big obligations (or children) so I didn't feel tied down financially.

As a writer, I never expected to make big bucks anyway. As a librarian, I knew it was out of the question!

Learning how to live frugally allowed me to work part-time while still saving for retirement (we save $1000 a month in a 403b and IRA) and still save some besides. So we are basically living off of my husband's salary and saving mine. If my husband decided to go part-time, we could still survive, just not save as much.

Net Worth IQ

2008-01-05T05:56:00.000-08:00

I just discovered Networth IQ, http://www.networthiq.com/, an online net worth tracker that will graph your results and let you compare yourself to your peers. You have to register to use it but it's free. We did well compared to most people in our salary range, but terrible compared to people in our age bracket. I guess starting a late career in academia not to mention starting to save for retirement REALLY late (but better than never) didn't really help.

New Year's resolution: pre-paying mortgage--a strategy that might work

2008-01-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

After reading all the pros and cons concerning prepaying mortgages, I've decided to go ahead and prepay. It's true that it's a very low interest rate (5.125) and it will be paid off before my husband retires anyway, but we both agree that we'd like to see it gone. It's our only debt besides a tiny HELOC which will be paid off in the next two months.

In deference to the naysayers about mortgage prepayment, however, I think I'm going to take the extra $400 I was intending to use to prepay and put it into a high yield savings account of some type, which will probably earn about the same as the mortgage interest rate.

In the next two years there may be real estate opportunities in my area and we could use it for a down payment for a second home (retirement) if that presents itself. I don't want to get caught flat-footed if something great comes up. If we decide against this course of action, we can always take the lump sum and apply it toward the mortgage.

The problem: do we have the discipline to keep the money for that purpose only and not use it for any other family emergency?

Also, if my husband decides not to work summers (he's faculty on a 9-month salary) will we be able to save the extra money during the summer months?

But so far this is my New Year's financial resolution.

Christmas story review--Connie Willis' "Newsletter"

2007-12-28T17:17:00.000-08:00

Just read this one--the perfect story to read around Christmas. The title refers to those holiday newsletters people send out and which irritate some people. My relatives never do; I'm lucky if I get a signature on the card, but anyway. The story is about an alien invasion which turns out to be surprisingly benign...at first. Like all Willis' stories, its artistry is invisible. Her situations are so quotidian, her characters are everyday people, everything seems so ordinary, and then she hits you with her magic. She is the one author I wish I could write like, if that's a sentence!
This story is collected in her latest book _The Winds of Marble Arch and Other Stories_.

Don't miss "Daisy, in the Sun," "Chance" (my favorite short story of all time, I think!), "A Letter From the Clearys," "The Last of the Winnebagos" and of course, "Firewatch." She also writes novels: _Bellwether_ is a humorous favorite and _Domesday Book_ is unforgettable and heart-wrenching.

New Year, new blog

2007-12-28T11:54:00.000-08:00

I began this as a book review blog but decided to add other content. I'm going to attempt to blog as if no one is reading (a pretty safe bet) because so much of what I read on the internet is so self-conscious or blandly journalistic. I don't want this to be a "dear diary" type of blog either because frankly, the only people who ever wrote interesting diaries are all dead. Ditto for letters. My writing has been doubly cursed by my being both a journalism major and an English literature major at some point; it's difficult to shake off the inner editor/critic. I'm also not of the generation that can write "enough" as "enuf," without wincing internally so I can't do anything about my antiquated spelling. I LIKE the fact that English has non-phonetic spelling. That's one of the things that makes it the endearing, logic-defying, perverse language that it is. I'm also fluent in Spanish, which makes much more sense, but I've never loved it like I love the English language.

Review of American Skin: Pop Culture, Big Business & the end of White America by Leon E. Wynter

2004-07-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Leon E. Wynter's American Skin: Pop Culture, Big Business & the end of White America presents a hopeful, inspiring vision of what the country may become if current trends continue as expected. Wynter declares that most people do not share his vision of
the browning of America; they don't think that minority groups' increased representation in pop culture and the media as a sign that Martin Luther King's dream of a nation where
a man is seen as a man regardless of skin color is coming true. But Wynter is excited by
the latest inroads made by minorities in the popular culture and he thinks that these signs
should not be ignored or dismissed as insignificant.

Wynter brings to light aspects of a process which is insiduous and ongoing, and which therefore often goes unnoticed as we go about our daily lives. I especially enjoyed the analysis of the marketing and growth of the NBA during the 70s and 80s. I was watching basketball during all those years but I never really noticed the trends and changes which were taking place. As so many people, I took many things for granted which viewed in retrospect, were significant and definitive of the times.

As a Hispanic, I found Wynter's views on the impact of the Hispanic population in the United States of particular interest. He states that "Hispanics are well on their way to being the next "white ethnic" group in America. Wynter thinks that Hispanics and Asians may be paving the road to the eventual obliteration of whiteness in our country by forcing marketers to include them. He wonders whether blackness will go the same way. He hopes that one day "American" will be a term that eliminates the need for racial definition.

Wynter's idea that big business will lead the way to social revolution is a great idealistic notion. It would be nice if something good comes from all the money-mongering and greed in our country. I hope he's right. But somehow I don't think this is what Martin Luther King had in mind.